I’m not sure where this post is going to go so please bare with me…
Over the past 4-ish years I have stood by a brother and step-father as they battled, what I see as a true form of Satan, cancer.
My brother fought the fight against Melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer, for over 3 years before he went to be with our Lord on February 25, 2010. Leaving behind a beautiful and strong wife and 2 amazing kids. My world was changed forever. I saw my brother go through more physical and emotional pain in 3 years than most grown adults go through in their lifetime. The strength and courage he had to do what he did for as long as he did was truly inspiring and uplifting. I love my brother very much.
Josh and I in 2003. The best picture we have together, in my opinion.
Towards the end of my brothers life my step-dad was diagnosed with Colon-Rectal Cancer that later would travel to his liver amongst other places. My step-dad didn’t have as long a fight. His was a little over a year. Just 4 days after the 1 year anniversary of my brothers death on March 1st, 2011 did my step-father leave us here to go on the adventure of Heaven. I still don’t even think I’ve fully processed this loss. My step-dad was a great guy that always had a joke up his sleeve. Losing him was like losing my real dad, who is thankfully still around but you get the idea. He had been in my life since I was in 4th grade.
There are several things about the cancer curing and fighting process that really blow. The pain that is forced onto ones body in hopes of a victory against this awful mess is overwhelming. Anyone who has had to sit next to a family member, loved one, friend, and watch them hurt and be able to do nothing about it knows exactly what I’m talking about.
So, this is going somewhere, I promise… On April 26th, 2011 I missed a phone call from my best friend, Mallorie, her husband. I had been almost dreading this moment for the past week or so. I knew before I even called him back what was waiting on the other end. My best friend has Lymphoma. I tried to keep it together while he told me what was going on and what the plans were. Talk about a bullet to the heart. As soon as I got off the phone I walked into my mom’s house and fell into her arms. My mother held me and said, “God hasn’t given us a miracle yet but maybe this is our lucky break.” I knew Mal was a wreck, I mean who wouldn’t be?! She is 24, beautiful, energetic, loving, one hell of a time, and one of the most amazing women I have had the pleasure of calling a close friend. Mal has got a fight in front of her but there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I know she is going to pull through this with flying colors!
Now for the epiphany… Ever since I was a kid growing up in church I’ve heard and repeated and claimed to of fully understood, that Jesus died on the cross of everyone in the world. This is not a matter of me believing that, because I do fully but what I am headed towards is this. Jesus suffered a most painful and excruciating death so that NO ONE would ever have to go to Hell, have complete and utter separation from God. He paid that price for you. He suffered that for YOU. Now by no means or stretch of the imagination am I calling myself Christ or comparing my situation to one of the cross but I am saying this, if I could I would go through all these treatments, all this pain (physical, emotional, and mental) of having cancer if I knew that not another person or their family or their friends would EVER have suffer the effects of cancer again. I really would. I hate watching people I love suffer and have to literally fight for their lives.
I’m not sure if this is making sense. It’s late and I wrote this with tear stained eyes so I’m sorry if it was hard to follow. I’m still not even sure if I portrayed what I wanted but I had to get something out. I had to release my thoughts to some place that might listen. I’m usually pretty bad at expressing deep emotion and rarely allow myself the be vulnerable. So please be gentle. Or don’t.